Call centre customer service job 

I guess growing up I never thought I’d end up landing myself working in a call centre. It wasn’t on my “life plan” so to say. 

Retail, yes. Pointless part time jobs, yes. Working full time in a call centre over summer… not really my life ambitions. 

That said. I’ve been there for just over 2 weeks now and I don’t really have a bad thing to say about it. Everyone that works there is like a big family. You can’t go anywhere without someone saying hello or asking if you’re okay. 

My manager is amazing, to be honest, all the managers seem amazing. It’s also lovely working with such a diverse group of people! There appears to be no discrimination at work. We have people who are old, young, black, white, Asian, gay, straight. Literally all kinds of people and it’s amazing to see everyone getting along and working as a team. 

Yes, we do occasionally get customers who make us want to do this 

But I guess you get that at every job. 

For me it’s amazing to be 2 weeks into a job and not have a bad thing to say about the place or the people. I’m happy there and I enjoy going to work. I look forward to work the minute I finish a shift. It’s such a bizzare feeling for me but at the minute I am happy and I am enjoying it. 


Manchester attack. 

Manchester attack. 

It’s been 27 hours since a nail bomb went off in the foyer of the Manchester arena at the end of a pop concert with around 21,000 people inside. 

27 hours later and I’m still trying to process the events of the 22nd May. 

Manchester is my hometown. It’s where I’ve lived for my whole life. Even now whilst I’m at university I consider manchester my home. It’s a place I’ve always felt safe, I’ve always felt accepted and I’ve always felt part of a community. 

To even begin to process the fact that someone walked into the Manchester arena knowing they would be putting lives of thousands of young, innocent children in danger is an impossibility. 

I’m sure by now you will all have read the news, seen on social media or heard friends talking about the attack and something that has become abundantly clear is the fact that Manchester will forever stand united. It’s in our blood, when something so tragic happens we stand together and work as a community to rebuild our city and rebuild the safe community atmosphere we all know and love. 

Greater Manchester police have released the name of the attacker, something I’m not going to mention because I don’t believe he deserves to be recognised. He was a sick human being to do what he did. No religion advocates the killing of inncoent children and people who were out enjoying a pop concert. I don’t care what anyone says, no “God” would wish for His followers to do such a thing. 

We don’t yet know if he was working alone or as part of a group but I hope for the sake of my community he was alone. Enough innocent people have lost their lives or been injured. Enough is enough. This needs to end. I will never understand why people can’t just allow others to live their lives. Why do people feel the need to hate on others or cause pain to others? 

As I mentioned earlier, I’m still struggling to process what happened 27 hours ago. I had friends at that concert, Ronny knowledge they all got out safely and unharmed. That said, I live just outside the city centre in a smaller town and one of those who has died in the explosion came from my town. He was a dance teacher, I’ve seen him doing his weekly shop on numerous occasions. I’ve even been on a bus with him. I think this is when it hit me house close to home this attack was. 

I’m only 20, so for me, this is the first thing like this I can remember and it’s something I’m never going to forget. 

One thing I want to talk about is how well my city has dealt with this incident. 

Minutes after the attack hundreds of emergency services were onsite helping with casualties. Police officers were stood cordening off areas all night incase another explosion went off in the arena and working towards finding out who did this, some of these officers worked 20 hour shifts to help protect their community.  

Not only this, we had members of the public offering free taxi rides for those who couldn’t get home, people driving into town towards the explosion to help get people away and to safety. We had people looking after children who had been separated from their parents and keeping them safe, we had people opening their doors to complete strangers that needed somewhere to sleep for the night. Within half an hour of the explosion so many people from manchester came out to help and support their community and that just shows how amazing Manchester is as a city. It makes me so proud to say I’m from Manchester. To be a part of a community that sticks together when times get tough makes my heart warm. 

A terrorist attack may have happened in Manchester on the evening of May 22nd but one things for sure. The people from Manchester will always stand together and we will not be terrified. 

Ian Brady dies ages 79. 

I feel mixed feelings regarding this news. 

I’m glad he is dead don’t get me wrong. I hope he rots in hell for what he did. 

That said, I’m upset he has died because that means he now no longer has to suffer the consequences of what he did. For people like him, death is an escape. It’s a way out. I would have loved to see him live to be 100 just so he had to suffer for longer. 

I’m also upset for Keith Bennett’s family. Now Brady is dead, they will never know where Keith’s body is. I had hoped that in his dying days Brady would have shared this information to try and ease the pain of the family just a little. The fact he has taken it to the grave with him angers me so much. He knew he was going to die. He was imprisoned for life without the chance of being released. Sharing the information of where Keith’s body was wouldn’t have negatively affected him in the slightest. 

I understand he was a sick and twisted being. I just feel that he should have given that information to Keith’s family. 
I’m not sure. Like I said, I’m glad he is dead. I’m glad tax payers money is no longer being spent on him and that the doctors and nurses can put their efforts into more deserving people. I just wish he hadn’t died and eventually found it within himself to tell the whereabouts of Keith Bennetts body. 


Today I heard back from a part time job I really wanted. 

I didn’t get the job. 

I’m so dissapointed in myself. The job was for Apple. The company I invest 90% of my time into despite not even working there yet. 

I own an iPhone 6s (I’ve had them all since the 3GS) an ipad, MacBook Pro, iMac, Apple Watch, I convinced my entire family to go to iPhones, not including mine we have an extra 2 iPads, 2 MacBook pros, another iMac and another Apple Watch in the family. I’m a beta software tester for Apple (which basically means I get all the updates first and report back any bugs with the software so it can be improved for the main release. As a result of this I’ve lost all the data on my phone more times than I wish to recall!) 

I went to the first interview and felt like I smashed it. Turns out I did. Second interview came along and again, I felt like I’d done so well. I was wrong. 

I don’t know what went wrong, I don’t know what happened. I answered all the questions fully and what I believed to be perfectly. However, the interviewers clearly didn’t feel the same way. 

I guess I’m used to being rejected from jobs, it’s hard to get a job these days. I mean it was only last week I got turned down from a job because I “wasn’t flexible enough with my hours” it’s just so dissapointing to get turned down from a job that I have dreamed of having for so long. 

Apple is my life, for me, Apple is the way of life. It’s the only company to buy phones and computers from in my opinion. I love everything about the company. I even made my family take half a day out of our trip to NYC just so I could go and visit the Apple Store there. 

I’m so upset and dissapointed in myself and I know I have to pick myself up and just keep applying for jobs but I don’t want to anymore. If Apple don’t want me when my life revolves around Apple, how can I expect any other company to hire me? 

Things University has Taught Me

I wish this post could be a serious one. It won’t be. 

1. You will literally have no idea what is going on the majority of the time. 

Strange, I know. However, I am being serious. I am nearing the end of second year and I honestly do not have any idea what has happened over the past 2 years. You would think by now I would have some sort of understanding about my degree, where I am going in life. The purpose of spending all this money and getting into all this debt but the reality is, I have less of an idea of what I want to do with my life than I did when I was back in college.
I go to lectures to be told that 1 in 10 psychology graduates get a job in the field. The rest work in bars after graduation. BARS. I am being deadly serious, this was an actual lecture I had to attend.

50d02ff2a1e2dcb9c40f735531e07008_projectile-blog-vomiting-all-memes-uni_706-470.jpeg2. Your assignments will make no sense.

Again, sounds odd but something I have learnt is, no matter how many lectures you go to, When you get given an assignment title, it will make no sense. You will spend the first 2 weeks after being given it trying to work out what you’re meant to be writing about. When it clicks, you will begin writing, get a few hundred words in and realise you still don’t know what the question is asking you but in true student style, you continue to bullshit until you hit the word count.
No one knows how to reference.

This is particularly important in first year. My university spent a solid 2/3 months explaining how to reference correctly. This is the most important thing you will learn, they said. BULLSHIT. will be your lifeline. It will be everybody’s lifeline. I don’t actually know of a single student who creates a reference list without the help of the internet. It’s just not the done thing. Honestly, If you can’t get your head around it, do not panic. It isn’t important. There is a reason the internet was created.


3. “The lecture slides will be uploaded online” Is the worst thing a lecturer can ever say.

Sounds useful, doesn’t it?
“Amazing, If I’m sick one day I won’t fall behind!”
What they don’t tell you is, the lecture slides often contain nothing more than a picture, or a cartoon. WHAT USE IS THAT TO ANYONE??? I once had a lecture slide that just said “The inbetweeners”

Not only that, though, it’s also a slippery slope. Hungover? Oh, it’s fine the lecture will be online! Tired? Don’t worry, you can catch up online. Do not fall into the trap. You cannot catch up using the lecture slides online. 

4. College students do not understand the term binge watching a show. 

Something I learnt at university is, the term binge watching a tv show has a whole new meaning at university. I mean right now, it’s 03:30 and I’ve just switched my TV off after a night of watching The Big Bang theory.

Honestly, I think my biggest achievement of university so far is watching every single episode of all series of Fresh Meat, Brooklyn Nine-nine, The OA, The Big Bang theory.. the list goes on…

5.When in a lecture. Do not steal someone else’s seat. 

I mean this is basically the unwritten rule of university. Everyone finds their own seat. I mean obviously, lecture halls are fairly large, there’s a lot of seats but no matter how many empty seats there are, it is never okay for you to sit in another person’s seat. Just don’t do it okay? It ruins the whole thing. If you sit in someone’s seat, they’re forced to sit in someone else’s seat and this just continues. Everyone is sat in the wrong seats and it just destroys everything. Don’t be that idiot that steals a seat.

6. This image or an image of the same kind isn’t what university is. 

You have more chance of turning up to every single class for the whole degree than you do of sitting outside with your multicultural group of friends. It just does not happen.
I mean sure, you are likely to make friends with people from different faiths and different backgrounds, but you are very unlikely to actually sit outside on some grass and study with them. It just isn’t something that happens.

7. Having to attend a 9 AM lecture hungover is one of the worst things ever. 

You’ll do it once and swear you will never do it again… until the next day….

8. The fire alarm in halls is basically satan. 

You’ll crawl into bed at 5 AM, check the clock and realise you have 3 hours to sleep before your lecture.. Then boom, an ear piercing screech will ruin your whole plan. It is the most inconsiderate thing ever.

9. Being a serial outfit repeater is acceptable when you reach university. 


Honestly, don’t sweat it. You will turn up on the first day in halls with every item of clothing you own, you will start with the intention of wearing a new outfit every day. Then one day you’ll realise you need to do that washing. You’ll grab all your clothes off the floor and walk to the laundry room to find the only way you’re going to be able to afford to wash all this is if you remortgage your parent’s house.
Deodorant the armpits and you’re ready to go.

10. On at least one occasion, usually more, you will regret every single life decision you made and question why you didn’t just get a job.

Assignments, no money, hungry. What made this seem like a good idea?

Mental health fuck up

Trigger warning. Talk of suicidal thoughts and a past plan in some detail. Also mention of self harm. 

My mental health has gone to shit but I’m hiding it so well that everyone thinks I’m fine and that’s scary. 

I’ve lived for years with this constant battle going on inside my head, for years I told no one. Eventually I started to open up to a few people and decided to reach out and get help from my doctor. 

Things seemed to be going okay. I mean, I still felt like shit day in day out but I was on medication. I was functioning. Everything seemed okay despite me feeling as though I was falling apart and as though I was at rock bottom. Little did I know I wasn’t. 

This past week or so I’ve felt so bad. 

I’ve carried on with my life as normal, ive gone to uni quite a bit. I’ve tried to be social. I’ve smiled around people and I’ve held it together. Yes, I’ve had a few blips here and there where I have self harmed and my eating has been shit to say the least (living off one chocolate bar a day most days) 

Until yesterday. 

I don’t know what happened. I was fine and then I wasn’t. 

Yesterday feels like a bit of a blur to me, so much happened in such a short space of time. I was at my dads, I went back to uni, I went out with some friends and then I fell apart.

It was about 1AM this morning and I don’t know what happened. All I remember is feeling low. Really really low. I just couldn’t cope. I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t want to carry on. I wanted to die. 

For me, the idea of dying has never really scared me. I’ve welcomed the idea with open arms. I’ve always said I would never actively kill myself, but if a car was to drive at me at high speed, I don’t think I would step out the way. Death doesn’t scare me. The thing I’m scared of is how it would affect my family and in my eyes, that’s the reason I would never actually do anything to end my own life. I love my family too much to hurt them in that way. 

Until last night. I lay in bed and I realised there was 3 bottles of bleech downstairs. I began imagining myself drinking it. Holding my nose to try and mask the taste a little and just downing it. 

It scared me. I hadn’t had thoughts like that for nearly 5 years. I’d forgotten what it felt like to have real, genuine suicidal thoughts. I mean in the past 5 years I thought I was suicidal a few times but looking back I wasn’t. Not compared to last night. 

I knew I couldn’t do it though. I had to fight the thoughts. The urges. The inner voice telling me to do it. That the world didn’t need me. That my family would be better off without me. 

I was scared. So scared I actively reached out for help. I went online and googled as fast as I could. What to do if you want to kill yourself?

A list of websites appeared before my eyes, every time I clicked on them the opening hours read 9AM-10PM. What use was that? It was 1AM. I kept searching frantically, page after page after page. They all said the same. Closed now. Come back tomorrow. 

I accepted defeat. It was time to speak to the Samaritans. 

Now I don’t do phone calls, it isn’t something I posses the ability to do. So I decided to email. 

I began the email with “I don’t really know what to say or what to do. I just need help”

For me that was scary. I was asking for help. Me, the person who never asks for help. I knew in that moment it was serious but I also knew that by seeking out help, it meant I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted an escape

So I typed and I typed for what felt like forever. I typed everything I could. All the thoughts I was thinking went into this email and I sat there for about 10 minutes hovering over the send button. 

I closed my eyes and pressed send. 

I’d done it. I’d asked for help. I’d reached the lowest point I’ve felt for years and I did it. I didn’t hurt myself. I didn’t kill myself. I helped myself. 

I don’t know what happened last night. Nor do I know how I managed to build up the courage to ask for help in that situation but I did and I’m so proud of myself for doing that. I don’t know how or why I did but what’s important is I did.

This morning I woke up and I went to uni, I attended my lectures and all my classes and I even stayed late to meet a friend after her class finished. I acted as though nothing had happened the night before. 

No one knows I hadn’t slept. No one knows I was ready to take my own life just a few hours earlier. No one knows the battle I had just overcome. 

Tonight I’m back in bed. I feel like shit again but no where near as bad as it was 24 hours ago. If I made it through last night. I can make it through tonight. 

Something convinced me to stay last night. I don’t know what but there was something. 

It’s made me realise I need to get my life back on track and I’m going to do everything I can to try and make this better. 

Social media 

I wish I lived in a world where social media didn’t exist. 

Social media has become a part of my everyday life. There’s no discussion there. I’ve had facebook since I can remember, Instagram and snapchat since they came out. Tumblr for years. 

I live in a world where we are programmed to wake up, check social media and then start our day. Where a few hours without social media and you feel as though you have missed out on something. Where no matter what you’re doing or who you are with there is this constant need to post about it online. 

Likes have become a value of your worth. 

Id love to just delete all social media and just live a life without it for a while but it isn’t something I can do. It’s too much of my every day life for it not to be there anymore. It’s like a drug. It’s an addiction. We crave likes on facebook or Instagram. We feel like we need to post about everything online. 

When we’re bored, when we have nothing to do, when we are waiting, when we are with friends, social media is something that’s just a part of everything and it’s annoying. I wish it had never been invented. I wish as a society we hadn’t become so dependant on it. 

I miss the times I used to ring my friends for hours on end to catch up. When I met up with them and we could talk for the full day about what we have been up to. Now it’s a case of “oh yeah I saw that on snapchat” conversation over. 

Social media is making us less and less social. You go for a meal and people have to snapchat it, you go to a concert and people spend the whole time on their phones recording it so they can “enjoy it later” why not enjoy it now? Why not live in the moment and embrace the experience? Why do people feel the need to post about it online… is it a need to show off? To prove something? 

I’m fed up of it all. I want my life back and I want to enjoy the experiences I have and I don’t want to be so dependant on my phone. 

So as of tonight, I’m deleting the facebook app on my phone. Then as time goes on I’ll delete each app slowly but surely. I’m tired of being a robot to social media. I want my life back.