I’ve been inactive on this page for a few months, mainly because I forgot my log in details.
It’s been a very strange few month, my job at the call centre changed, I went from working on the phones to dealing with emails because my anxiety was playing up and I kept having panic attacks.
I’ve got to say, the managers were really supportive in helping me move teams.
I started to get really low when I was on the phones because I’ve never been great at answering calls, I don’t know why its just something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember.
I thought everything was going well, until about a month or so ago when they told the email team colleagues we had to log into the phones every day. I was told I didn’t need to because they understood my situation, however, something changed and I got taken into a room and was told I either take the calls, or they were going to sack me.
This hit me hard. I love my job. I didn’t want to leave and I certainly didn’t want to get sacked.
I agreed to take the calls, and as a result, I’ve been quite ill recently.
The manager that gave me the ultimatum, I don’t talk to anymore, the other managers seem to be on my side and they seem to want to help and support me as much as they can.
My direct line manager has changed recently too, the new person who has taken over seems amazing. We had a 90-minute chat the other day about things, about life and about what is going to happen at work.
It was so nice to have someone I could talk to, a manager who seems to be a peoples manager, rather than a managers manager. By this I mean, he seems to want to help and support the staff, not suck up to his manager.
I’m part-time at my job now as University has started again. I’ve come back and I’m not sure if it was what I really wanted, but I feel as though its what was expected of me and because I’ve done two years already, it seemed silly to not finish what I had started.
I hate being part-time, I hate not being there for a week at a time, so much happens in a week and I return to work and I feel like I don’t know whats going on, I feel like I’ve missed out on important things.
In two weeks time, we are changing the systems we work on. I have had a day training on it, I have a few more training sessions coming up but when it goes live, everyone else will have the support there for a week or two, I’ll have it for 2-4 days… I’m going to be thrown in at the deep end and that scares me. I HATE asking for help, I HATE not knowing what I’m doing because I feel as though if I ask for help too much, people will get sick of me and will stop helping me.
I’m stressed out, I’m off my anti-depressants and I’m fed up. I haven’t eaten 3 proper meals a day in god knows how long. I was home this weekend as I was working and all I ate was a curry on Saturday night and a bagel on Monday…
I know I need to eat better, but I just don’t feel like eating at the moment.
My mind is a jumble of thoughts and feelings, I have so many things I want to post about and get off my chest but I don’t know when I will write them because I don’t really have the time.
Right now I am meant to be doing uni work but I’m not…