What do I do now…

This post is likely to be a mess. I just need to type. 

For the past 3 and a half years there’s been one person who has been consistent in my life. One person I’ve been able to rely on for absolutely anything. From cheering me up when I’ve been down, calming me during a panic attack, allowing me to be my true self, helping me when I’ve felt like giving up with uni to the simple things like teaching me to tie shoe laces or having banter with me. 

About 2 and a half years ago this person left his job in my home town and moved to a job 30 miles away. Only, the job he moved to was still a support worker job and it just so happened, about 6 months later I moved 30 miles away for uni and he was there waiting for me to be my support worker again. 

I trust him with my life. I’m not just saying that, I have literally trusted him with my life. I’ve been suicidal and I’ve told him and he’s been the one to help me and get me stable again. 

He’s the one person that knows me better than I know myself. I can feel like shit and he will know why, even if I don’t. 
I just feel so lost and so scared about what the future holds because although I don’t see him all the time, I know that if I ever need him, he would be there. Kind of like my safety blanket. But now he’s gone and he won’t be there anymore and that’s terrifying. 

I felt safe at uni, I felt like I could get my degree if I had him there to support me. I just, I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do anymore… 

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