So last week I received an assignment back and I got 48/100. I was so upset.
You need 40 to pass. I was 8 marks away from failing.
I gave up. I didn’t see the point in uni. I didn’t see the point in trying. I didn’t want to carry on with my degree. I gave up all hope.
My heart dropped to the floor, how could I get such a low grade? How did I not realise how poor it was?
That’s how. My mental health took over my whole existence. I had no energy, no motivation, no reason to try hard. I couldn’t concentrate. I wrote anything just to get it finished as quickly as possible. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t try as hard as I could have done.
In that moment, when I received my grade I just wanted to cry. I felt like a failure. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. It just felt like everything was going badly.
It was one grade, I still passed. I didn’t fail it but in my head I was a failure. I hadn’t succeeded and I hadn’t achieved anything.
I blamed myself for it all and I made it seem like it was the end of the world.
Today I got another assignment back. Two marks off a first. I was 2 marks away from getting into the highest grade bracket.
I’d done it. I had succeeded. I can do this. In the feedback he left this. It felt so good to read it.
For people like me, people who struggle with their mental health, sometimes it’s difficult to not see the worst in every situation. When one thing goes wrong it feels like everything has gone wrong. You loose all belief in yourself.
Today I proved to myself I’m not a failure and I can do it.